April 2010

POLICE DEPARTMENT CITIZEN COMPLAINT REPORT

Complainants Name Erin Hughes

Object of complainants claim(s); Wife and Son

Name(s) of Witness(s) Anna P. Hughes (Daughter)

Statement of Incident :

Complainant states that he woke at 7 AM and planned to climb MT. Takao that day. Complainant stated that he was the greeted by screaming, yelling and crying. When he went to investigate he found that the 2 objects of the complainants claims were locked in a heated verbal battle about the status of a video game and its ability to fly. While neither claims were witnessed by the complainant this did not stop the tirade of screams and tears. Finally with little time left to make the departure point for the climbing of MT. Takao, the complainant claims he calmed the situation and got everyone in the car.

After being dropped off at the departure point for the MT Takao trip the complainant claims that the disposition of Object 2 (Son) returned to normal, and only reported one small incident during the MT Takao adventure where he needed to raise his voice to object 2, when Object 2, ran along side a accelerating train screaming and waving like a fool to say good-bye to a departing friend.

Upon returning from MT Takao complainant engaged in beer drinking and flirting with mothers of other children who had been on the trip at a local park. When the children could not agree on who was the best monster to chase them, the complainant foolishly stepped up to offer his services as the village monster and proceeded to chase said urchins around the small park, like a mad fool, till in the final minutes of said contest when he claims he finally snagged the last child.

After departing the park the complainant and object 2 on the way home decided to cut through Tateno Koen. Upon entering the park complainant and object 2 observed a father and son team facing off against some rival school children from Sekimachi in a ballet contest, that closely resembled a soccer match. Complainant and Object 2 entered the battle on the side of the Father and son team (of course) and within minutes the score was evened (of course). With dinner time drawing close and the complainants legs growing weary it was declared a sudden death game. Minutes later a pass from the complainant to the other child netted a goal that sealed the game(of course).

Upon arriving home complainant found one very happy wittiness, who was happy to go for a walk to the local Coup to help the complainant buy some beer, but before their escape was complete complainant states that object 2 and object 1 began arguing about homework, Bay Blade and other pointless crap. Complainant stated that he tried to interview and mediate the situation, but was unsuccessful. Complainant then stated that he spent the next 2 hours in misery over listening to the 2 Objects go back and forth during dinner, desert, and bath time over such pointless items as home work , a missing Bay Blade post card that Object 2 lost but claims Object 1 thew away in the trash, and why explanations from both sides as to “why I/he cant be a good boy” and “why the complainant should talk to object 2 on behalf of object 1 and visa verse. “

Complainant states he wants a divorce from BOTH Objects till they learn to figure out their personal problems with out a referee. Complainant states he never wheres a black and white striped shirt and typically does not carry a whistle. Complainant then stated Objects 1 and 2 need to learn to listen to each other and try to communicate before complainant goes insane.

This concludes today's report. Have a nice day.